if the mask fits, don't put it on

I've read somewhere that people wear masks. It's not a literal mask la, it's a "mask", as in a pretense, an act that we have to carry on everyday in our lives. This mask shields your true personality. The article that I've read is about the masks people wear in relationships. But I think, whether we are in a relationship or not, we are still wearing our masks.

The mask developed as early as in our childhood. I don't know about you guys, but for me my mask is about being right all the time. I feel like I have to do the right thing every single minute, and I fear of making mistakes. When I did make a mistake, it will feel like my life is over. Well, at least for a certain period of time. But the point is, I hate to be defeated. It sucks to be wrong.

I feel like I have to set an example and be a role model to my younger siblings, and I always pretend that I am invincible, as if I can handle any given pain but the truth is I am very fragile. Sometimes when people are not looking, I cried alone. I seldom confide to anyone about my problems because I don't want to bother them.

Sometimes I just want to let loose and just be whatever I want to be, do what I really want to do, and go where my feet take me to. I seriously want to put down my mask and just be me. But I know I can't. Well at least not now.

So for now, I'll just wear my mask and try  my best to be happy. :)