please pray for me.

Ok. I don't know how to start this. I know this will probably be shocking for you guys. But anyway, I'm not going to write anything but the truth. I've bottled this up for so long, and now I think I can't handle it anymore. I have to write this somehow.

This is about my personal life, or more specifically, my studies. You know I'm currently doing my MSc right now, but to tell you the truth, I've been stuck in the "blackhole of unproductivity" for months. I know this sounds really bad for a MSc student who is doing research. I don't know why, I think maybe I am not fit mentally to do research. You know when you're doing a research, you have to RE-search, eventhough you've met with various blind ends already. I am a person who does not like to do redundant things. Redundancy is something I despise. And when you're researching, redundancy is a thing that might occur many times, wether you like it or not.

Research needs you to be patient, and you have to multitask all the time. It's not like I cant multitask, it's more like I don't want to multitask anymore. I am sick, and tired of having to multitask all the time. I don't have the patience, and the diligence to multitask anymore.

Initially, I wanted to further my study and do MSc because I am not ready to work yet, and I think if I have a MSc degree I will have a bigger pay when I eventually start to work. That is the reasons why I want to have a MSc degree. Well, people said, if you want to do something, you must do it for yourself, not for anything or anyone else. I'm not doing this solely because I want myself to gain more knowledge, but for other reasons. Niat dah tak betul, sebab tu la jadi macam ni.

Of course, I am not going to quit doing MSc, I will try my best to complete it. Because I am a person who will try to finish anything that I've started. I will try to "perbetulkan my niat", and do this for myself.

My advice to those who wants to further their degree, please think thoroughly before making the decision. Because, whether you like it or not, you'll not be facing beds of roses all the time. Quite sometimes you'll meet with some walls, or holes, or anything equivalent, especially when you're doing a research. So to those who wants to do MSc just for the sake of getting a MSc degree, my advice is DON'T.

To those who reads this, please pray for me. I desperately need it. To my family and friends, please give me some moral support. That will help me so much. Thank you.